DALLAS—After securing a mammoth $136 million contract extension, Dallas Cowboys star CeeDee “Moneybags” Lamb shocked the sports world by announcing he’ll give the money to those who need it more—entry-level workers in the Cowboys organization.
“I really don’t need all that money,” Lamb said at a press conference, casually tossing $100 bills to bewildered interns. “I mean, what am I going to do with it—buy 50 cars? I’ve got one, and it works fine.”
“These are the real MVPs,” Lamb said, addressing a stunned press conference while wearing a T-shirt that read, “Pay Interns, Not Divas.” Lamb plans to split his fortune among the ticket office staff, security guards, and concession stand workers who “actually keep the stadium running.”
“These folks have been holding it down in the background while I catch passes. They deserve it more than I do,” Lamb insisted, while handing out giant novelty checks.
The move has caused mass confusion in the NFL, with experts speculating Lamb might be suffering from a rare form of generosity. “I’ve got enough shoes, and my mom’s house is paid off,” Lamb said, casually Venmo-ing millions to the stadium’s parking attendants. “It’s time to spread the wealth. And hey, maybe they’ll let me park for free now.”
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