DALLAS, TX—In an unexpected twist, Dallas Cowboys kicker Brandon Aubrey has reportedly reached new levels of zen by perfecting the ancient art of nailing field goals. Aubrey, known for his uncanny kicking ability, has embraced his unique talent, turning it into a form of spiritual enlightenment.
"Every kick is a chance to grow," Aubrey said, as he confidently split the uprights in yet another practice attempt. "When the ball sails true, my mind is quieted."
Cowboys coach Mike McCarthy is vocally supportive. “Brandon’s consistency is so unparalleled that I don’t make a fuss about all that meditation mumbo jumbo. Apparently it takes an enlightened state to be this reliable.”
Teammates have started seeking Aubrey’s advice on how to remain calm under pressure. "He’s like a field goal Buddha," said quarterback Dak Prescott. "We’re all just trying to learn from his inner peace."
For now, Aubrey continues his journey, hoping to get the Dalai Lama to a home game this season.
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