DALLAS—In a bold move aimed at redefining the sport, the Dallas Cowboys shocked fans and analysts alike by announcing their new game plan: not playing football at all. "Football is so last season.
We're transcending the game by focusing on our brand," declared Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, surrounded by a team of marketing consultants and fashion designers.
According to sources, the Cowboys plan to dominate the season by attending high-profile events, launching fragrance lines, and perfecting their social media presence. "Touchdowns are overrated. We're scoring likes and retweets now," proclaimed star quarterback Dak Prescott, clad in a custom-made jersey featuring Swarovski crystals.
Analysts predict this strategy could revolutionize the NFL, with other teams scrambling to book appearances on talk shows and secure endorsement deals instead of practicing.
At press time, the Cowboys were seen rehearsing their victory dance routines for the upcoming season opener, confident that fame and fortune are the true measures of success in modern football.
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