DALLAS—In a bold move that has left teammates scratching their heads, Dallas Cowboys tight end Jake Ferguson announced his number one goal for the season: to become a top-5 fantasy football tight end in half PPR scoring.
“I’m really focused on my fantasy stats this year,” Ferguson said, while polishing his own fantasy football trophy case. “Winning games? Sure, that’s cool. But dominating the fantasy TE rankings? That’s where the real glory is.”
Coaches were reportedly puzzled by Ferguson’s sudden obsession. “We tried to remind him that real football counts too,” said head coach Mike McCarthy. “But he just kept muttering something about catching just enough 8-yard passes to rack up those sweet, sweet half points. He’s extremely concerned about easy targets underneath in our 2-minute offense against prevent defenses.”
Teammates have been supportive, albeit confused. “We’re all in this together,” said quarterback Dak Prescott. “I guess if Jake gets more fantasy points, we all win… somehow? But I do need him to prioritize blocking too.”
In unrelated news, Ferguson has also become the Cowboys’ self-appointed “League Commissioner.”
Comments