DALLAS—Reflecting on his illustrious career with the Dallas Cowboys, former All-Pro TE Jason Witten revealed his deepest regret: not cultivating locks long enough to command respect on the field.
"If only I'd let my mane flow freely, I could've whipped those boys into shape with every headshake," Witten lamented, demonstrating a mock mane flip during a charity golf tournament.
Sources close to Witten disclosed that despite numerous accolades, including 11 Pro Bowl selections, the absence of cascading hair hindered his ability to assert dominance during locker room pep talks.
"Imagine the intimidation factor of catching first down passes while my hair flowed down onto my shoulder pads," Witten mused.
Despite retirement, Witten remains optimistic about inspiring future tight ends to embrace follicular fortitude as a cornerstone of gridiron greatness, setting a new standard for hair-raising achievements in the NFL.
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