DALLAS— Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is reportedly grappling with profound regret after failing to draft a running back in April’s NFL draft, confessing that he was preoccupied binge-watching “The Bear” on Hulu. Jones admitted he was so engrossed in Carmy’s culinary chaos that he lost track of the draft entirely.
“Who knew the kitchen could be so gripping?” Jones lamented. “I thought I had plenty of time!”
In a desperate bid to save face, Jones signed Dalvin Cook, attempting to spin it as a masterstroke of strategic planning. “It was all part of the plan,” Jones declared, despite knowing it “definitely makes no sense having Dalvin or Zeke and God only knows why we have both.”
Sources say Jones is now bracing for another underwhelming season, fearing his blunder will make him the league’s laughing stock. “If the team flops again, I might just turn off the TV—forever,” Jones quipped, nervously checking the upcoming schedule.
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