DALLAS, TX—In a move that has left both fans and players scratching their heads, Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has announced that all team members are now required to join a newly-formed chess club.
According to Jones, this is part of a strategic overhaul designed to ensure that the Cowboys stop “playing checkers while everyone else is playing chess.”
“I’ve always said we need to outthink our opponents, not just outplay them,” Jones declared, adding, “If we can checkmate our rivals before the game even starts, we’ll be unstoppable.”
“We need to be five moves ahead,” Jones explained during a press conference, holding a chessboard up like it was a Lombardi Trophy. “If we’re going to outsmart the competition, we need to start by outsmarting ourselves.”
The new policy has sparked a wave of confusion and curiosity among players. Quarterback Dak Prescott commented, “I thought Jerry was talking about a new sandwich in the cafeteria when he said Chess Club. Turns out, it’s a board game.”
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