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Micah Parsons Unveils Offseason Workout: Competitive Eating



DALLAS—Dallas Cowboys defensive standout Micah Parsons shocked the sports world today by revealing his unconventional offseason training regimen centered around competitive eating. 


"You gotta bulk up to dominate on the field," Parsons declared, surrounded by empty pizza boxes and discarded hot dog wrappers. 


Sources close to Parsons disclosed that his daily routine includes consuming dozens of burgers and gallons of milkshakes in record time, all while maintaining an impressive speed on the treadmill. "It's all about balance," Parsons explained between bites of a foot-long sub. 


Witnesses reported seeing Parsons set personal bests in devouring ribs during team barbecues and showcasing unparalleled chugging skills at local milkshake joints.


Despite concerns from nutritionists, Parsons remains undeterred, insisting that his ability to pack on pounds will translate into sacks come game day. 


At press time, local eateries were reportedly offering Parsons free meals in exchange for promotional appearances, further fueling his quest for gridiron greatness.

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