DALLAS—Cowboys head coach Mike McCarthy has inadvertently embarrassed nearly every player on his roster by publicly stating that linebacker Micah Parsons could be the best on the team at every position.
McCarthy said, unprompted, in a press conference. “He could probably play quarterback, kicker, seriously, the guy could take anyone’s job here.”
“He’s a beast,” McCarthy declared, completely missing the awkward silence that followed.
Teammates were left reeling from the backhanded compliment. “I guess I’m not the best quarterback on the team anymore,” said Dak Prescott, staring wistfully at his playbook. “Micah definitely would fight through a collapsing pocket and deliver a more accurate ball downfield than me.”
CeeDee Lamb admitted, “I thought I was the best receiver in the league, but guess not even the best on my team. Coach would know. Figure Micah’s yards after contact would dwarf mine.”
No player was more devastated by McCarthy’s comment than place kicker Brandon Aubrey, stating, “when coach implied my job was in jeopardy my confidence crumbled. It’ll be shot for at least the next few months and confidence is everything for a kicker.”
As a result of Parsons’ new alpha role, he is now allowed to cut to the front of the line in the team cafeteria.
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