DALLAS— Cowboys Head Coach Mike McCarthy has disclosed that the hardest part of training camp isn’t the emotional burden of dashing a player’s NFL dreams. Instead, it’s the sheer horror of his own incompetence at evaluating talent.
“Look, I’m awful at this,” McCarthy admitted with a tremble in his voice before giving an eerily specific simile. “Every time I cut a player, I’m like a toddler separated from his mommy in a department store—lost and overwhelmed. I cry myself to sleep, fearing they’ll become stars for other teams and make me look like the clueless fool my mom said I am.”
McCarthy revealed that his nightmares are filled with ex-Cowboys lighting up the scoreboard against Dallas, further cementing his fears. “It’s not just about them succeeding elsewhere; it’s about them coming back and rubbing it in my face,” he said, sniffling into a box of tissues.
Reporters were forced to stay well past the scheduled end of the press conference so McCarthy could reiterate his point, repeating "I want to make this abundantly clear, it is not the heartache for the players and their young families that bothers me; it's the terror of seeing them score the game-winning touchdown against me, I mean us.”
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