DALLAS—In a stunning proclamation, Dallas Cowboys head coach Mike McCarthy has declared long snapper Trent Sieg the most crucial player on the team and insists he deserves a salary higher than every other player combined.
"Without Trent, we wouldn't even be able to kick extra points or punt properly. He's the backbone of this team," McCarthy exclaimed, waving around a gold-plated football as a potential contract signing bonus. Frankly, his recently signed one-year deal for $1.3 million is insulting for the position.
Sources within the organization revealed McCarthy's proposal includes paying Sieg in custom-designed footballs encrusted with diamonds, justifying the expense as crucial for team morale and locker room symmetry.
"If Trent wants a yacht or a personal island, we're prepared to make it happen," McCarthy chuckled, envisioning Sieg's face on the front of next season's jerseys. Despite the uproar, McCarthy remains steadfast in his belief that a team's success hinges on the strength of its long snapping game.
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