DALLAS—Ahead of the upcoming NFL season, Skip Bayless has confidently predicted that the Dallas Cowboys will master the art of delivering dramatic and gut-wrenching losses every week.
"This season, Cowboys fans can expect heartbreak like they've never experienced before," Bayless declared, arranging a collection of vintage tissues and a custom-made "Choking Hazard" sign for his studio.
Sources close to Bayless revealed he's been studying the intricacies of late-game collapses and missed field goals, meticulously planning post-game analyses that will leave viewers questioning their allegiances. "It's all about setting realistic expectations," Bayless explained, sketching diagrams of potential fourth-quarter fumbles and Prescott interceptions.
Despite his grim forecasts, Bayless remains optimistic that each devastating defeat will pave the way for unparalleled drama and a surge in viewership for his emotional post-game breakdowns.
At press time, Bayless was reportedly considering launching a hotline
for distraught fans to cope with the inevitable roller coaster of Cowboys football.
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